If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this
may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from
the days when Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever,
not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the
host asking the questions, of course.
1. Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long
enough.
2. Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high
should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
3. Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
4. Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a
man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
5. Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party
and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask
him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
6. Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
7. Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love
You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
8. Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next
apartment.
9. Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with
your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and
I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
10. Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
11. Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you
going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
12. Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
13. Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at
nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
4. Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the
closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
15. Q. Can boys join the CampFire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
16. Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will
a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
17. Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth
to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
18. Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting
into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
19.Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is
it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
20. Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on
his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
21. Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or
your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
22. Q. When a couple has baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
23. Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he
firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two
occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
24. Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never
do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh
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