California Driver's Exam
For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here
is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for those of you who do, study
real hard. This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are
unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized that the California Department of
Motor Vehicles has now issued a special application and driver's test solely
for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.
2003 STATE OF CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION
Name:___________________
Stage Name:__________________
Agent:___________________
Attorney:____________________
Therapist name:_________________
Sex: ___Male ___Female ___Formerly Male ___Formerly Female ____Both____ If
female, indicate breast implant size: _______
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor
vehicle
in any way? Yes___ No___
Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
If you don't own a cell phone, please explain why you don't:
_____________________________________________ use extra pages, if necessary.
Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead
Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Shaving (male or female)
[X] Talking on the phone (already checked for your convenience)
[ ] Lifting weights
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[ ] Snorting cocaine
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
[ ] Discharging firearms / Reloading
Please indicate how many times you expect to:
a) Shoot at other drivers _____
 Be shot at while driving _____
If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime.
Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news
in a high-speed chase.
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company
for 911 call not going through.
d) Call your therapist.
In the event of an earthquake, you should:
a) Stop your car.
Keep driving and hope for the best.
c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones.
d) Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9.
In the instance of rain, you should:
a) Never drive over 5 MPH.
Drive twice as fast as usual.
c) You're not sure what "rain" is.
Please indicate your current number of therapy sessions per week: ______.
Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
a) Prozac
Zovirax
c) Lithium
d) Zanax
e) Valium
f) Zoloft
g) All of the above
h) None of the above *If none, please explain: __________________.
Length of daily commute:
a) Less than 1 hour
1 hour
c) 2 hours
d) 3 hours
e) 4 hours or more
If less than 1 hour, please explain:____________________.
When stopped by police, you should:
a) Pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready.
Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway.
c) Have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring
yourself of a hefty lawsuit.
When turning, you should always signal your intentions by:
a) Using your directional signals.
What is a "directional signal"?
Which part of your car will wear out most often?
a) The wiper blades
The belts
c) The horn
Automatic door locks are good for:
a) Security
Convenience
c) Messing with the heads of people trying to get in
The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:
a) Dark, poorly lit roads
Flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
c) Revenge
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