If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous

sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:



COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT



ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm

thinking about buying a computer.



ABBOTT: Mac?



COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.



ABBOTT: Your computer?



COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one

ABBOTT: Mac?



COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.



ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?



ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?



COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.



COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.



ABBOTT: Software for Windows?



COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write

proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?



ABBOTT: Office.



COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office Can you recommend anything?



ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.



COSTELLO: You recommended something?



ABBOTT: Yes.



COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT:Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?



ABBOTT: Office.



COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.



COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say

I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I

need?



ABBOTT: Word.



COSTELLO: What word?



ABBOTT: Word in Office.



COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.



ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.



COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".



COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with

some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the

Internet?



ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.



COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none

of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT:Real One.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and

4. Can I watch them?



ABBOTT: Of course.



COSTELLO: Great! With what?



ABBOTT: Real One.



COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What

do I do?



ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?



ABBOTT: The blue "1".

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?



ABBOTT:The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?



ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.



COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!



ABBOTT: No, just one But it's the most popular Word in the world.



COSTELLO: It is?



ABBOTT:Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It

pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?



ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even

part of Office.



COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial

bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?



ABBOTT: Money.



COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?



ABBOTT: Money.



COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?



ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.



COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?



ABBOTT: Money



COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?



ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.



COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?



ABBOTT:One copy.



COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?



ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.



COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?



ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT! (A few days later)



ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".......